life was going great
by Diary
Summary: Re-posted under a different title. Silly boy, the path from hate to love is undeterred by how big and logical the brain is. Complete.


Disclaimer: I do not own As the World Turns.

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You're smarter than this. You're a chess prodigy, a literal genius, a neurosurgeon.

Annie Judd was a biracial little girl with cornrows and a stuffed panda bear you once stuffed with cotton balls and sewed up after her cousin ripped it apart and stole the stuffing. You had no way of knowing her father would sue you for malpractice when her mother came by your office, physically shaking, voice cracking but otherwise toneless and told you that Annie had died in her sleep, but she was the centre of your thoughts when one Luciano Eduardo Snyder Grimaldi called you with vague threats of blackmail. You knew he didn't have anything on you; in fact, you would have bet money on that.

You also knew that he was obviously a desperate, well-connected son of a bitch who could bring you down. He could find out what patients of yours had died, get in contact with their families, and convince them to not rest until your license was revoked. So, you got on the private jet and flew to the inbred, white-bread town of Oakdale.

And because you're you and society isn't made for people like you, you managed to get sentenced to a month in the Godforsaken town, never mind that you're agnostic. You still occasionally pray, and you'd start believing in miracles if any prayer uttered in Oakdale was answered.

Of course, you knew Luke Snyder was attractive, but so what? Texas spends more than half the year under a hot sun, men and women both running around partially naked everywhere you look. He was a spoiled, needy, golly-gee bastard, and if you never saw him again it would fall under the heading of miracle.

Katie and Jacob were the only good things you found, and that was only after you got used to Jacob's tendency to cuddle when Katie forced you to hold him and after you made Katie throw away a golf club she had almost killed you with when she thought you were a burglar rather than a doctor who occasionally needs to do yoga at odd hours to help your body and brain cope with midnight rounds and seven-hour surgeries. Jacob had laughed after she had woken him up, clutching him close as she lectured you about not scaring the pants off her. Thankfully, her pacing had put her in spot she couldn't easily set the baby down and grab the club when you pointed out that she wasn't wearing any pants and asked if it was normal for women to sleep in a sports bra and a pair of men's boxers.

Everything was okay, despite your desire to kill Luke Snyder, Bob Hughes, and Jacob's baby-sitter, a giggly, annoyingly cheerful teenage girl who literally bounced around. Idiotic, self-sabotaging Hank would have been on the list if not for the fact that having someone to aggravate and make squirm has always given you a sense of glee, even if you normally try not to intentionally indulge such childish compulsions. Then, of course, Luke Snyder had to ruin things by piquing your interest with autopsy reports of a Huntington's ridden corpse.

After that, without meaning to, you started to admire the lengths he was willing to go to help those he cared about. As a doctor, it was something you could admire and understand. You may not remember most of your patients names after they're dead or discharged, but while they're under your care, you'll do everything from performing an unauthorised surgery to stealing a large bag of cotton balls from a gift shop and fixing a bear while a five-year-old girl sits on the counter and holds one of the paws, her mother standing guard at the door, to forcing yourself to be polite to overly-emotional patients and loved ones of patients. A few times, a few times you refuse you think about, you've helped a patient by giving them the lethal dose of medication they requested.

That would have been fine. Luke Snyder wasn't quite the amoral, entitled loser you originally thought. He was attractive and somewhat admirable. A blow to your pride that you were wrong, an irritation that there was an attraction, but that was all.

Except, circumstances, Katie, and Bob conspired to keep you in the village of the incestuously insane. So, you frequently reminded both yourself and Luke that he despised you. You tried to help Noah Mayer get over his issues so that he and Luke Snyder could ride off into the sunset once his sight was restored.

Once you put the unwanted attraction to Luke Snyder out of your mind, it became obvious you wanted that neurology wing. You could do more with it, save more lives, than you could in Texas. You could deal with him until Noah got his sight back and realised how lucky he was to have someone love him so deeply. Then, they'd both be around less, and you'd be too busy with your wing to bother with silly little infatuations.

Annie Judd, a ghost who will never go away, came back to haunt in the form of her grieving father. Irrationally, you wanted to tell him that his daughter liked you and that she once wrapped her teddy bear's arms around your left arm even as you told her that you didn't do hugs.

You knew that Luke Snyder was worried about Noah, and that, if not for your genius, you could go hang for all he cared, but it was still nice to have someone in your corner. He dragged you away from Bob, he got the emergency hearing scheduled, and he bought you chili, making you wonder if smacking Noah upside the head would be enough to jolt some sense of how lucky he was into him. If you honestly thought it might help, your clipboard would have made contact with the idiot's head. The sad thing was, you liked Noah, despite your jealously.

If you're honest, you didn't mean to kiss him and were perfectly content to pretend it had never happened until he brought it up. It was a nice enough kiss, but he was in love with your patient, didn't have a high opinion of you, and how you wished you didn't know him as well as you'd gotten to. Because he didn't know you aside from your dedication and claustrophobia, and you wanted him to know you. You wanted a chance at having something with him, even if part of you was trying to gain control, grab a clipboard, and smack yourself upside the head until you remembered that he was a blackmailing, needy, Richie Rich who was too different from you for anything to ever work.

You called him Luke and decided to try to take a chance, knowing full well it could end in heartbreak.

He accused you of deliberately putting a patient's life in danger, and to this day, you still don't know why you kissed him instead of reacting in anger. That stung, it made you angry, and still, you gave him a pass. You suppose, if ever pressed, you can claim it was because he gave you a pass in Dallas, but you and everyone else would know that was complete, wilful denial on your part.

Noah came out fine, and Luke told you he was in love with him. It figured. Noah stole Luke's heart without intending to, and Luke was in the process of stealing yours without intending to. God, you hated Oakdale, and you weren't too fond of yourself, at the moment, either.

After coming to you like you were some consolation prize and kicking you out of the party he'd invited you to in the first place, the two of you had an honest conversation. He was in love with Noah, but he was attracted to you and was willing to see if it could turn into more if you were.

You almost listened to rational part of you that was pointing out how and why this was a terrible, masochistic idea. In the end, though, you listened to the part that said not trying would be taking the coward's way out and setting yourself up for another what-might-have-been.

Which led to you wanting to restrain Bob and lock him in a room with Joey the Dinosaur playing at a high volume after he gave the ultimatum.

After all his talk of you finding a family and making a home, and then, it turned out he apparently thought you and Katie were going to eventually live happily ever after with Jacob. You wouldn't really object to spending a life with them, but you're never going to want her like you want Luke, never going to be straight and be a true part of a nuclear family. Besides that, you had to wonder what that said about his feelings towards Katie and his son; even the stupidest nurses could see that Doogie Hughes was sniffing around her.

Luke ended things before they began, too hurt at what you considered sensibility and he considered cowardice.

Bob gave you a long speech that boiled down to him having prejudices from the time period he was raised in but continually trying to overcome them He told you that he watched Luke grow up, had seen him through some extremely hard times, and as much as he liked Noah, he knew firsthand that sometimes, first loves simply didn't last. When you reminded him that Luke and you lasted less than two weeks thanks to his ultimatum, he shrugged and sincerely apologised, telling you that you could save lives anywhere in the world, and that as much as he truly wanted you to stay in Oakdale and find happiness, the people in Oakdale need a well-funded hospital.

You were utterly annoyed with that conversation, but you came away genuinely respecting Bob Hughes.

It wasn't a whim. You wanted that neurology wing. You'd deny it under oath, but you also wanted to stay near Katie and watch Jacob grow. But Bob was right: You could be a live-saving neurosurgeon anywhere. You weren't ready to give up the possibility of something more with Luke.

The proof that any potential deities had truly forsaken Oakhell came when you saw Noah and Luke, reconnecting. You'd just given up your job for a boy who would never stop being in love with your former patient.

Oh, except for the fact that sometimes, coffee is just coffee, and for once, Luke was in your corner for you rather than for what you could for Noah.

Some part of you suspected and still does that Bob Hughes is a manipulative son-of-a-gun who gave that ultimatum as a test; you showing that you were willing to fight for the possibility of love and Luke showing that he was someone worth fighting for by also showing a willingness to fight was all he needed to see before sending Mona gliding out of the hospital, fury in her eyes.

Hospital politics infuriate you, and the idea of having to deal with even more idiots isn't an appealing one. However, as chief of staff, you could truly change medicine for the better, in Oakdale, at least. So, you asked Luke to help you, hoping it would also serve as a chance for him to get to actually know you.

Sex came up, and you considered just walking away. Luke, it seemed, would always be in love with Noah Mayer. You were wasting your time.

Then, he kissed you, and you let yourself hope maybe, with enough time, he would see the guy in front of him who didn't play games and could return any love he gave without running when things got bad.

Yeah, love. That's just a little scary and incredibly frustrating.

A horrible date due to Doogie Hughes and the specter of Noah Mayer, and he kisses you, muddling your brain. The offer to come inside is almost near impossible to turn down. If you're honest, you've wanted sex with Luke since he was still Luke Snyder, the guy you couldn't wait to never see again.

You want more than sex as a placation, though. You want him like Noah could have had him if he hadn't been so insistent on not.

Dear God, there's a strong possibility you're in love with Luciano Eduardo Snyder Grimaldi.

You're supposed to be smarter than this. You're a chess prodigy, a literal genius, a neurosurgeon.


End file.
